The Harsh Realities of Your Favorite Video Games: Skyrim, Zelda, and More Uncovered

With all the gameplay and fancy graphics, sometimes you can't see the gaming forest for the trees. We'll help you out and give you the brutally honest descriptions of your favorite games.

If you sit down and try to break down the core plot of a game into one or two sentences, sometimes something quite strange comes out. If you add a pinch of humor, the game descriptions are pretty funny – and different. They really broaden your horizons and create new perspectives.


In the Uncharted series, you take on the role of Nathan Drake, a racist mass murderer who finds, plunders and destroys undiscovered, historically valuable cities and, along the way, wipes out rivalries equal to the population of small states.

In Minecraft, you play an antisocial, immoral builder who doesn't care at all about the landscape and nature – you clear forests, mine resources and leave holes everywhere just to build your own castle.

Enjoy Skyrim, where you play a “hero” who stomps into every cave, fortress, or ruin and massacres every living thing within.

In Pac-Man, you constantly swallow pills, run away from ghosts, and listen to repetitive electronic music—oh, and you're also a yellow circle.


Commander Shepard from Mass Effect is a well-known lecher and womanizer who believes that the salvation of the galaxy lies in the underwear of his crew members and therefore wants to sleep with them all.

In the Saints Row games, you're usually a crazy guy who brightens people's days by beating them topless with a giant purple dildo.

In The Witcher 3, after about half an hour, you lose interest in saving your adopted daughter. You prefer to play cards, collect them meticulously and hang out in dives.

As Link in The Legend of Zelda adventures, you represent a strange adventurer who wants to save the world by smashing strangers' pottery, beating their chickens, and then going fishing.

As a Pokémon trainer, you play a sadistic, underage animal abuser who enslaves wild creatures and then makes them fight each other to the death for fame and money.

In Watch Dogs, take on the role of a hacker who randomly murders people or empties their bank accounts just because he's angry that his niece died.

In Portal, you are a cheeky, unstable guinea pig who stubbornly destroys scientific and technological achievements once and for all.

In the GTA games, you are the worst criminal in the history of mankind who basically never dies in the intensive care unit and is constantly bribing the police to let him go with all his weapons.

As Mario, you play as a plumber in the Super Mario series who is obsessed with revenge and jumps around on the heads of harmless-looking creatures because his girlfriend left him for a turtle and constantly claims she was “kidnapped”.

In the games of the Call of Duty series, you are as powerful as the true God of War! You destroy thousands of enemy soldiers, recover from gunshot wounds in seconds and even rise from the dead.

Hopefully you didn't take all of this too seriously. After all, everything here is written with a wink. But they are interesting perspectives, aren't they?