Nerf Legends – Review

“Please, please, please Dad – Can we buy the Nerf game?”

When Frank Hegevall (6) kindly asks to play new games that he has seen advertised on Youtube, on his Ipad, I always find it just as difficult to say no. I understand how he feels, his curiosity and enthusiasm and that he loves to play video games warms my old man’s heart. Because I remember so incredibly well how I felt when we could not afford a game console while every single friend got a NES or a Master System, and how much I longed, longed and the jealousy that came with the purchase. Frank’s friendly appeal often becomes my Kryptonite, and all too often we buy games that we should have skipped. Including Nerf Legends.

It’s horrible, grotesquely ugly and it sounds so phenomenally bad.

In the Hegevall residence we love Nerf. I do not think I am exaggerating when I say that there are 15 different Nerf buffers of different sizes and models here at home, all including small pistols for the Zombie series grenade launchers, battery-powered giant rifles, the Fortnite sniper and everything in between. Me, Vega and Frank often play Nerf wars and I am relatively convinced that dad Hegevall has at least as much fun as his offspring have, here. That’s why, of course, it did not feel the least bit strange that Hegevall Junior really caught the eye of Nerf Legends when a nicely cut clip appeared on his Ipad.

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SEK 499 later and an hour of downloading, this game had landed on the Frank Switch and since then we have played through it, which I would have preferred to avoid. Because there is no doubt that this is one of the worst games of the year, all categories. The story to begin with is basically non-existent, just like the characters and the variation. In a colorful future, murderous Bollibompa robots have taken over and it is up to you and your toy gun to put everything right, again. Six courses soaked in robot enemies and meaningless puzzles await and it’s about running, shooting and screaming in frustration in the best possible way, to reach the end (after about five hours of playing time) and then not have to start this mourning, ever again.

NERF Legends
The feeling of guns is the worst I have ever encountered.

The most important thing in an action game from a first-person perspective is of course the feeling of weapons, that it is fun to fire your weapon. In Nerf Legends, it’s not only boring to touch the shutter button, it’s downright painful. There is no recoil in the weapons, as they fire foam rubber arrows. There are no actual gun sounds, as foam rubber arrows are fired. The magazines hold five or six arrows, which means that you are forced to reload constantly, all the time, and the feeling when your shot hits the enemies is almost meaningless. Nothing happens, the enemies do not react, they never seem to be hit until they suddenly go up in smoke and this is of course the first real minus with Nerf Legends.

The second most important thing in a game of this type is challenging and clever enemies, which Nerf Legends absolutely does not contain. The enemies are colored toy robots that roam around completely thoughtlessly on the stupidly designed paths and blip-blops like outright idiots until the moment when even damp foam rubber bullets make them go up in smoke. As far as I know, there is no “artificial intelligence” here, instead enemies are more or less magnetic towards the player and as if drawn towards one, which creates a game tempo that is downright disgusting. Nerf Legends is definitely not difficult, at all, it’s a child’s play. But it is silly, sloppy and boring in a way that very few of today’s big games are.

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NERF Legends
The enemies are not only stupid, they are stupidest – ever.

The courses are also at least as useless. Light green flakes of a limited amount of polygons house the game’s wretched enemies and even the “puzzles” stuck in here are frustrating. I’m relatively convinced that the developers of Fun Labs only threw in the “puzzle” to extend the playing time because Nerf Legends would have been over in 40 minutes if it were not for all the times you have to stop and shoot five red buttons to a door should be opened and carry one on to the next useless enemy encounter. The music and graphics are also horrible as this is clearly uglier with clearly worse music than many, many free games for Android and Iphone. The music consists entirely of quirky midi-guitar solos that become so annoying after just over an hour that it almost feels like torture. The two voice actors included here are not much better those, who with the help of this year’s worst script deliver the most embarrassing lines I’ve heard in a very long time.

Addition makes a multiplayer aspect that in Nerf Legends does not work, at all. There should be open, available servers and the publishers Gamemill claim that there are people online who play their hopeless gegga to license title but I have not managed to play a single match, in a week. Usually it is not possible to enter the menu where you look for available matches, even. If you succeed against all odds, there are still no players, which means that you can do nothing but laugh at this horrific misery. I probably did not think that there would be a game released in 2021 that would bore me in the same highly efficient way as Balan Wonderworld did, but Nerf Legends is clearly up there in the top of the crap and sniffs.